The Ringwraith
by Loopytigger
Summary: The hobbits' encounter with a ringwraith. Then a load of stuff happens. Yeah. Chapter titles are, um, not very good to say the least
1. On Weathertop

LOTR FAN FIC  
THE JOLLY RINGWRAITH  
  
*****CHAPTER 1*****  
  
The hobbits were doing their usual four-innocent-scared-hobbits-warding-off-evil-things. They had become good at it, seeing   
as they'd had so much practise from evil things attacking Frodo. Suddenly, Frodo sensed something moving in the shadows. From   
out of the gloom emerged a cloaked figure - a ringwraith. It moved to lift its hood, as if preparing to do something, something   
dramatic. As the ringwraith approached, the hobbits could sense a change in the atmosphere and mood, but they couldn't quite   
put their finger on what it had changed to. It was different, unexpected, unlike anything these ringwraiths had expressed before.   
It affected the very air they were breathing. Then the ringwraith spoke.  
  
"What ho, Frodo my lad?! And greetings to you all!"  
  
"Wait a minute," interrupted Pippin, "aren't you the fabled Jolly Ringwraith?"  
  
"Here in person, old boy!"  
  
"But I thought you were just something people talked about in pubs and sang awful songs about," said Sam, looking confused.   
"I didn't think dead kings would be jolly, seeing as how they're dead and all."  
  
"Well, that's just something the writer of this hasn't thought of," observed Merry.  
  
"Quite right there, old sport! Well, sorry to break up this jolly fascinating conversation, chaps, but I've got to kill Frodo   
here. Jolly sorry 'bout this, but Sauron was rather persistant about that ring of yours. Bally nice chap, really. Pity about   
the evil tendencies and all that."  
  
"Ok," replied Frodo, "you lot go over there whilst the Jolly Ringwraith kills me. Oh, and Merry, make sure you restrain Sam   
so he doesn't take the blow for me."  
  
"Got it" replied Merry.  
  
Suddenly the mood darkened. All was silent, except for the occasional "Jolly exciting this, eh, pip pip!" from the Jolly   
Ringwraith. The dead king drew his sword. Frodo cowered back against the wall, feeling that if he was going to die he might   
as well do it properly, and prepared to give a nice, dramatic scream. The ringwraith struck.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAgh!" yelled Frodo high-pitchedly.  
  
"Oh, fiddlesticks." exclaimed the Jolly Ringwraith, "I bally missed! Awfully sorry, Frodo old chap, but you've now got a deadly   
wound from which you will never recover, even though Strider's going to whisk you off to see the elves where you will be saved.   
Jolly nice chaps, the elves."  
  
"How did you know that?" the hobbits asked.  
  
"Well, it's not exactly bally hard, is it chaps?"  
  
"Point."  
  
"Well, must dash - Sauron does get very upset when he's kept waiting. He is rather over possessive about this ring if you ask   
me. Frightfully sorry about the whole attempted murder, Frodo old boy."  
  
"Don't mention it," gasped Frodo.  
  
Everyone waved goodbye to the nice ringwraith.  
  
"Frodo, are you ok?" asked Sam, concerned.  
  
"Ok? Of course I'm not ok! My shriek wasn't anywhere near dramatic or high-pitched enough. Oh yeah, and I've been mortally   
wounded." 


	2. Enter Strider

*****CHAPTER 2*****  
  
Strider came up to join the hobbits, who were huddled concernedly round Frodo. He was still miffed about his less-than-perfect   
yell and so making up for it with the occasoinal yelp of pain.  
  
'Haha! I rule! I set a ringwraith on fire!' exclaimed Strider.  
  
'WHAT?' replied three disbelieving hobbits (Frodo couldn't reply as he was otherwise engaged - dying)  
  
'Amazing, wasn't it?!' said Strider, mistaking the hobbits' reaction. 'It did seem a bit odd that there was only one of them,   
though...'  
  
'Strider, that was the Jolly Ringwraith!' informed Sam.  
  
Silence. Wind whistles.  
  
'Oooops...' said Strider.  
  
'And I thought I was an idiot!' said Pippin.  
  
'Don't worry, Pip, you are,' assured Merry.  
  
'Well, it doesn't matter anyway,' said Strider, obviously relieved by this thought he'd had, 'I can't have killed him cos he's   
already dead.'  
  
'What?!' exclaimed Frodo, sitting up suddenly and making everyone jump.  
  
'What do you mean?' asked a confused and suspicious Sam.  
  
'Hey, Frodo,' said Strider, 'aren't you meant to be dying?'  
  
'Oh yeah. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAgh!' Frodo flopped down again dramatically.  
  
'I thought you knew that all ringwraiths are dead. That evil guy, whatsisname, uhhhh, um...'  
  
'Sauron?' suggested Merry.  
  
'That's the one, yeah, Sauron, he basically killed them when he gave them the rings. So I didn't kill the Jolly Ringwraith.'   
Frodo's screams cease momentarily. 'The Jolly Ringwraith died ages ago.'  
  
Pippin, who had not heard most of the conversation as he was positioned next to Frodo, 'What?! What have you done, you monster!'  
  
'Oh, keep up Pippin,' exclaimed Merry. Everyone bar Frodo plugged their ears.  
  
'We really need to get Frodo to the elves, I can't stand Frodo's screaming any more,' said Merry, wincing.  
  
Strider looked relieved. 'Good idea, I'mm getting a headache,' he said.  
  
'Oy, you lot,' said Frodo indignantly, 'you're meant to be concerned that I'm likely to die.'  
  
'Yeah, yeah, whatever,' sighed Merry, not really listening. 


	3. Thrilling Stuff

*****Chapter 3*****  
  
Weeks passed, and the hobbits and Strider were still on Weathertop.  
  
'I wish the writer would hurry up and think of something for us to do' said Merry.  
  
The wind whistled, and the only other sound was that of hobbits drumming their fingers. Strider kept watch for most of the   
first week, then realised that the complete lack of anything at all happening was not in fact a cunning and dramatic pause   
by the author, but a complete lack of imagination on the author's part. 


	4. To Rivendell

*****Chapter 4*****  
  
Sam was most annoyed, to say the least. Not only had he been kept waiting by an incompetent author, but an elf, a being   
he'd really wanted to see, turned up and ignored him, giving almost all her attention to Frodo. Ok, so he was dying, but he'd   
seen elves tonnes of times before, and Sam hadn't. That hobbit seemed to be getting loads of attention since he got that   
stupid ring. Then, to cap it all, Strider and the elf (he gathered her name was Arwen) started talking amongst themselves in   
a language he didn't understand (he couldn't see the subtitles), which was probably elvish. Sam thought this to be very   
inconsiderate. But, on the plus side, they might meet the Jolly Ringwraith again, and they could make him see that he should   
defy Sauron... nope, it would be almost impossible to make that ringwraith see sense.  
  
Once Arwen had inevitably whisked Frodo off, Sam turned to Strider to vent some of his frustration on him, then thought that   
Strider might not be as sympathetic about some of Sam's sentiments as he would have liked. But he had to say something.  
  
'What are you doing?! Those ringwraiths are still out there!'  
  
'Ah, yes,' added Pippin, 'but so is the Jolly Ringwraith. He might help.'  
  
Sam could have exploded. That was HIS thought!  
  
-----Meanwhile...-----  
  
Frodo was struggling to keep consciousness, as it was probably easier to stay on the horse that way. He was no longer able to   
yell, he could only gasp for air dramatically, which didn't have the same effect. He had just about managed to gather that an   
elf was doing the taking-him-safely-to-Rivendell, and he got a vague impression of Sam being annoyed but he couldn't think   
why. Surely he wanted his wonderful master to live and recover? Of course he did. His wonderful master, who is brave. Strong.   
Kind. Intelligent. Compassionate. Modest. So, Frodo had to survive, really, it was in Middle-Earth's best interest. Who better   
to take on a difficult and dangerous task than him, Frodo?  
  
If Frodo had been in good health, he would have sat up, startled, for he heard a familiar voice. For a while, he thought he   
could have been hallucinating, but he heard it again, floating above the still air. He definitely recognized the voice... who   
was it? Oh yeah, the Jolly Ringwraith! (Frodo's, um, astounding intelligence was impaired by his awful wound)  
  
'Keep formation, now chaps', came the voice. 'Steady on now, that's the ticket. Jolly good!'  
  
No mistaking who that could be.  
  
Too late, it struck Frodo what this meant, and just to state the obvious, it meant that something worse than a very awful thing   
that had just upset a load of people was about to happen. Through clouded vision, he saw all nine wraiths closing in on him.   
A black gloved hand reached out towards him. 


End file.
